SARDAR JOKES


Santa Goes to heaven
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"



Santa & Banta
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

Rajsi complained to his friend about his wife ' My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years .' Mrs Rajsi intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms.

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : 'How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, 'Sorry , I could not make it .'

'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. D'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh,'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Sardarji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : What's your problem?
Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Sardarji : What problem?



Letter
Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Great Sardarjee
1. A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )
2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
3. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

Two horses
Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

I Spy
A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each other on a plane. It was a long flight to India so the gora said:"Let's play a game." The dipper said sure. The gora said let's play I spy. The dipper said sure. The gora started. He said I spy with my little eye something black. The dipper said suitcase? He was right. Then he said I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter B. The gora looked hard for about ten minutes. Then finally he gave up .He said what was it. The dipper said look stupid gora "bindow"!

Mano ya na mano
Santa singh and Banta singh were found playing chess.

The tunnel joke
.......... Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."

The Chutney Joke
Banta: Kee Gal hai Sante. Kalle Kalle samosey kha reyan
Santa : Nahin yaarr, Chutney De Naal.

Girls are Hot
Why do sometimes carry Money in their Bosom? Because they want to bank their wealth where it will draw the most interest.

UNIBROW'S
WHY DO PUNJABI'S HAVE CONNECTED EYE BROWS?
ANS: TO KEEP THE SAND OUT OF THEIR EYE'S!

Woman
Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ". Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"

Bus ride
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

Air travel
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."

No formalities
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."

Santa's ferrari
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)

Side A -Side B
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B"

SHER-O-SHAYARI
JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE SAR MEIN DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI. WAH WAH WAH .......

Sweet Revenge
Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!

Kele ka Chilka
Santa Singh was walking down the street when he saw a banana peel on the roadside. He exclaimed in disgust."saala!!! aaj phir girna padega!!!! (damn!!! i have to fall again today!!)

FILM
Banta singh was telling his friend,"yesterday my wife and i had a terrible quarrle.i wanted to go to the club& she wanted to go to the movies." Which film did u c ???asked his friend.

Employment
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

Logic
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!


More Sardar Jokes

Wash Basin
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

Three Engines Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"


Detective Job
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.


Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."


Urine Test
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Bihari-Sardar
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"


Wrong Answer
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"


Road to Station
Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"

Green TV
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."

Just a second
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.

Salary Expected
Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.

Crocodile Boots
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily exclaims: "71st and *again* barefoot!"

Thermos Flask
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

Answering Machine
Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

Photocopies
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Photocopy
What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

Free Punjab
There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

30000 kms
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!


Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers

Money Needed
Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had
a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his
prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to
Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his
head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to
saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any
money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!

What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.

Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!


A Sardar Computer Illiterate: True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

Brain Tumor
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;

Photocopy
One Sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one. Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun aren't

European Closet
Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".

One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was traveling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".

A Plane journey
A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".

Crime Story
"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".

New House
Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

Salt Seller

Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

13th Floor
One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

Phone Book
A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."

Cows Don't Fly
A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

Dark Room
Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

Relaxing
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "

Electricity:
A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office
" we lost the power send your men"
" No Man here, Use Candles"

Judgment
Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death. When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
"Well Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love, he could fly too."

Snap
Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"

Sex
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

AIDS
Sardar Garbhajan singh went for his usual morning walk. At one junction he found a crowd. One man holding a syringe on one hand and the famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to inject the liquid which contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a ransom of 10 corers of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this moment Garbachen rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe, Police men arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward Garbachen. The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to the Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage even if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a condom to avoid AIDS"


Treatment
One man went to consult as he is very thin and doesn't grow well after having enough food, after diagnosis doctor said there is a worm inside his stomach it eats everything you eat and the man asked for the treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment "From tomorrow onwards when you come to see myself come with a banana and an apple". The net day he came with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him to eat the banana and insert the apple through his back hole. After one month treatment there is no change except size of the back hole increased so that the apple can be thrown through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor there is no change in my physical condition after one month of treatment " Doctor told him "when you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer instead of apple". The next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor let the man to eat the banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm come out from his stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying to change my diet , where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor thrashed the worm with the hammer and the insect dead.


Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"


Brain Tumor
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;


Photocopy One sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one.Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun arn't


European Closet
Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".

One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was travelling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".


A Plane journey
A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".


Crime Story
"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".


New House Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar


Ladies Room
While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board. It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room. Sardar writes under
Let the men Permit to Enter .


Plane Crash
Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.


What is in a Name
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"


Punjabi and Bengali patriotism
A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".


Suicide
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)


Think Thunk Thunk
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;


Banana Peel
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!

Going to the Sun
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts. One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun." "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt." And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night.


Call to the Next Door
Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225." came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door

Lie Detector
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.


Empty and Full Disks
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!


ENJOY...........................................................................................................................................................